The gravity of sin comes from its being an offence against God; but its effect on the soul is to be measured neither by the guilt nor by the temporal punishment inexorably affixed, but by that deep sense of loneliness it brings with it. Scripture is full of the comparison between the soul and a waterless desert; in one place comes the phrase, "the desolation of the wicked." Now this represents a quite apparent effect that sin has upon the soul. It makes a man realize as nothing else does the terrible loneliness of life. It is possible that after a while this perception wears off, and the soul becomes in this way, as in others, hardened to the sense of sin; but at first when the conscience is still delicate and refined, after an offence against God human nature feels itself to shrivel up and become cut off from the rest of the world. Notice children when they have done wrong - how difficult it is for them to face their fellows again; they seem to have severed themselves from the companionship of those with whom they are wont to play. A scolding drives them entirely upon themselves, and the punishment of solitude which grown-ups rather thoughtlessly inflict on little people is as nothing compared with the terrible desolation that has already overspread the tiny nature. There was a picture in the best and most pathetic of our humorous papers which - with the skill, not of artist alone, but of a human heart that has understood human nature - makes the child cry out against the mother for scolding and making "all the room so dark." The sense, then, of sin brings with it a feeling of loneliness, when the first pleasurable excitement has worn off. This loneliness our Lord Himself submitted to in the hour of His dereliction.
Nor is it to be supposed that the desire that so many saints have shown for solitude is in any way a contradiction of this. Really it is a further proof; for it is, on the whole, just the saints who do desire solitude: the sinners are far too lonely to find a desert at all suitable or even tolerable. Notice who those are that spend most of their time in rushing from one distraction to another: they are those who have felt the torment of loneliness so fiercely that they cannot endure to be by themselves. So lonely are they that they spend all their time feverishly pursuing one pleasure after another or one work after another - anything or anybody that will take off their minds from the torment of themselves. The oppression that sin effects in them makes them anxious to live to the utmost their lives in the full stream of human existence. Pleasure is heaped up in crowded hours to make them forget the aching void of their hearts. Indeed, it is their greatest punishment that they finally succeed, until they lose at last all perception of their pain, whereas the saints are so full in themselves of love that they must needs draw off alone to be away from all others; so accompanied are they by the dear presence of their Friend that they cannot stay and waste (as to them it seems) the precious hours with any other thought than of Him. Thus sat Mary at the feet of Jesus, while Martha, busied over many things that were unnecessary, hurried to and fro, some times in His presence and sometimes out of it. This does not mean that we can show our love only by retiring out of the world to the cloister; but it does imply that only those can stand the loneliness of life who have their hearts aflame with the love of another; while the effect of sin is to produce a feeling of loneliness which irks humanity.
Sin's loneliness is evident, and the cause of it no less clear; for by sin the presence of God, made perfect by sanctifying grace, is removed. After all, God is the most intimate neighbour of the soul j no other power can creep so close to the heart and tangle itself so cunningly with the roots of our desire. The will is at His mercy alone, so as to be moved by Him without in any sense destroying its freedom. Every movement of goodness is effected by the special impulse of His virtue, and every thought that turns to the things that are more excellent must have been inspired by His illumination. For Him, then, was my soul wholly formed, and without Him it is baulked of its purpose and reduced to a hungry longing for what it cannot achieve. Thence is it restless till it finds its peace in Him; thus is it lonely, deprived of all that is most required by its several faculties. Man, in other words, was made for love, the diviner part of him for divine love. By sin is all this love dried up; the parched and thirsty soul feels, therefore, the need of the dew of God, and rushes madly as the beasts wander in the jungle looking for the water that they cannot find. The soul by sin is thus made solitary; I have therefore in my heart to see that the grace of God is not removed and the life of my soul destroyed. When I am feeling particularly the loneliness of life, perhaps the cause is that I lean too little upon God; perhaps it is that my sins will not let me feel that inward presence that is the sole real source of peace here below. I was created by Love for love, and when by sin I act contrary to Love, my heart must necessarily feel His absence.
- text taken from Meditations for Layfolk by Father Bede Jarrett, O.P.