Struggle and Perplexity

In the beginning of his conversion from the world, Francis used to take one of his companions, of whom he was very fond, to secluded places, saying that he had found a great and precious treasure. Francis used to bring him to a certain cavern near Assisi, and go in alone, leaving his companion outside and eager about getting the treasure. Then he would pray to his Father in secret, not wishing that anyone should know what he was doing within save the Lord only, whom he diligently consulted touching the heavenly treasure to be gained.

The enemy of the human race marked this, and strove by filling him with fear and horror to withdraw him from the good [work] he had begun. For he endured the utmost suffering and distress of mind, unable to rest till he should fulfill the work he had conceived. Various thoughts came one after another and grievously molested him; within he was glowing with the Divine fire, and could not hide the blaze from outward view. He repented him of having sinned so grievously, and could neither delight in the past evil, nor yet in his present state; for he had not been given assurance that he could keep from evil in the future. And whenever he came out from the cavern to his companion he seemed changed into another man.

- text taken from Franciscan Days: being selections for every day in the year from ancient Franciscan writings, translated and arranged by Alan George Ferrers Howell